high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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