you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
