4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
