I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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