I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
