Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
