Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel great
I just peed on a car
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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