goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
