The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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