addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
