Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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