I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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