well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
