Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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