Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
