Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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