I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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