i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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