So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
