you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Randomize
