FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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