I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
