some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
