I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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