Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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