So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
