I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
