the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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