my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
