Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
