Got a toothbrush?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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