I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
