Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
