You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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