Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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