I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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