I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How's work?
Spinning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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