It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
