I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
