Even water is tasting like jack daniels
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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