i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm both gender and math confused
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
