i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
