I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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