I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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