Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm like, not good at living.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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