epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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