What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
