Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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