PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a hot homeless man
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
