Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
