where am i from again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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