I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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