$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
