Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
