Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Randomize
