She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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