life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
