You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
