I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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