She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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