3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
