Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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