A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
