There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
