I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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