Is it because I queefed?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
