Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
