Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
