a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
