I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
