I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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