I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
