Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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