who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
