I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we're making bets on your personal life
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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