chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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