Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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