Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
