I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize