And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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