I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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