Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
