after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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