Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
