No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
