It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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